Signal to noise ratio

I am a naturally anxious person, but sometimes, shit really hits the fan.

I had a bit of a panic attack this morning — my heart was out of control, my neck and shoulders were burning, but my hands were ice cold. Take deep breaths, I told myself sternly. Stop panicking! But the more I tried to keep my composure, the faster I felt my throat closing up, and the fuzzier my vision seemed to get. Why are you still panicking? I chugged some water with shaking hands, hating the simultaneity of my physical and mental weakness.

While staring at an oscilloscope’s signal a few hours later, it crossed my mind that as much as I despised electronics lab last year, sometimes I wish my brain was a circuit that I could wire up to do whatever I told it to do. I wish there was a plug that went straight through my skull, a cable that ran directly to my prefrontal cortex. I want a switch that can flip off my crazy thoughts, or a transistor to amplify the rational ones. A diode that won’t pass current unless there’s enough reason, or a capacitor that stores happiness for the days I need it more. I can control the electrochemistry of a battery; why can’t I control the electrochemistry of my neurons?

But circuits always confused me anyways, so what am I even saying...

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